So my journey continues, after yet another fork in the road, another instance of running out of gas...another attempt at extending a metaphor with no idea where it'll take me...
It's been a while since I posted something. I tend to do that a lot: I allow life to get in the way and go through subsequent lapses which last until I get aggravated in myself enough with the vicious cycle to do something about it. It's a common trend with me, be it with my writing, my fitness, or, basically, anything else I want to achieve.
(Fitting that it's Groundhog Day as I write about this.)
I'm sure there's some deep, underlying, pyschological rationale to it, regardless of how irrational it seems on face value. But therapy aint cheap so writing in a stream-of-consciousness will have to do for now.
One of the biggest issues is that I overthink everything. I analyze a situation, or even a thought, to death (literally —I've been known to kill good thoughts by simply not implementing them. As a result, they eventually fade away). Hell, yesterday, it took me close to 20 minutes to figure out what I wanted on a take-out Chinese menu!
Frankly, I am an imperfect perfectionist. By not wanting to settle for something less than what's best, I often get nothing at all.
Instead of thinking, I need to do. Instead of dwelling, I need to be. Allow the journey to take its course instead of constantly trying to skip right to the intended destination of utopia. Become a realistic idealist of sorts.
Therefore, I've decided that I'm going to test this new thought without thinking too much about it.
What does all of that mean, you ask (or at least I ask)? Well, here it is in a nutshell: I've separated my goals and resolutions this year. My goals I see as the destination, whereas my resolutions are the directions on how to get there.
The goals for 2013 include:
- Finally planting my family and I somewhere that we can call home. Right now, we live in a house that we hate in an area that we've grown tired of in a climate that we don't like. To accomplish said goal, there needs to be not just the house we call home but, equally as important, jobs we can call a career. The lack of the aforementioned and resulting countless hours of fruitless searches have officially caused me more frustration and heartache and than any other endeavor in my life.
- (Actually, that's really it: Get a career that I love in a place that I love! Sounds simple and yet it's not.)
True, I have other goals, other ambitions, but my problem in the past is I keep on adding to my mental shopping list, which only delays the actual shopping itself.
The resolutions, which I believe will ultimately put me in a position to achieve said goals, are the following:
- 100 workouts. I really want to finally incorporate fitness as a lifestyle, as something as routine as brushing my teeth (usually) and taking a shower.
- 100 screenwriting pages. It's been ten years since I got a degree in what's become the most expensive and infrequent hobby of my life. It's time to complete something or perhaps just cut my losses. I'm banking on the former.
- 10 books completed. For those who can't tell, I have ADD. It takes a lot for me to stay involved in a book or piece of literature. Hence, the stack of about eight half-read books by my bedside table. But on those rare occasions when I find one which reels me in from cover to cover, it's an awesome experience. I'd like to have those experiences with more regularity. Good for the mind, good for the soul.
- 50 of these entries. There is certainly a lot on my mind I'd like to share. I've got plenty of documented thoughts scattered all over my laptop. I've got plenty more which need to be harnessed. If any of my insights strike a nerve, inspire, amuse, entertain, or otherwise engage anyone else reading them, that would be great.
But more importantly, but centralizing it all and getting to the finish line - with this and with all the other goal(s) and resolutions that I've mentioned - would serve as a testament that I finally accomplished what I set out to do, that I left no stone left unturned, that I can be proud that I overcame the mental roadblocks, took the detours immersed with gridlock and despair, and arrived at the intended destination a better man for it.
And that? That would be perfection in my book.
So, I'm one month into what I still believe will be a year to remember. I'm not full speed but the wheels are turning and I acknowledge this. Feel free to hop along for the ride and see how far I can take this metaphor!
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