Monday, February 18, 2013

The Gospell of Jeff...

I'm a naturally cynical person.

I think I've always been that way but I'm sure it was solidified through my years of being a journalist and asking a lot of questions, followed by my years as a professor answering a lot of them. Without concrete proof, it's tough for me to believe.

Yes, I realize that's basically the definition of faith: belief without proof. Without that trait, I do believe it's quite difficult to devote onself to a particular religion or some other spiritual, intangible groupthink.
However, for those who do possess the ability to overcome cynicism and gravitate toward a particular belief system - logic be damned, at times - I get it. Most people need comfort and reassurance - especially in life's most difficult times - and sharing certain values with other like-minded people is a popular way of attaining that. And if we truly want that comfort and reassurance badly enough, we can easily put blinders on and make that belief make sense.
I too possess some blind faith - and at times, will it to make sense when it doesn't on face value. For example, I believe everything happens for a reason. Everything. For me, that just may be the secret to living a fulfilled life: not necessarily knowing what the reasons are, but knowing there is a reason. Not necessarily knowing who or what may be the keeper of these reasons– like an identifiable higher power – but just accepting it for what it is. And accepting responsibility that my actions and thoughts affect what happens, both positively and negatively - that the praise as well as the blame falls directly on my shoulders regardless of life's circumstances.
I must say, that philosophy has become very liberating to me.
So therefore, I consider myself a devout agnostic: I’m convinced that there is some sort of higher power beyond this universe which created life as we know it - probably because a massive universal explosion doesn't explain it to me, just like an omnipotent man in the sky doesn't.
I’m even open to believing that our souls/spirit/essence may continue beyond this current existence. That, however, does not have to mean they have a specific purpose. And if they do, I guess we’ll find out when we get to that point.
I’m equally convinced that no human alive or ever has any legitimate proof what or who that higher power is and what he/she/it wants of us, if anything . Therefore, although I understand, I don't subscribe to the need to pray to or worship someone/something that we have essentially made up and passed along for thousands of years and have done so typically out of fear for the possible repercussions of what might happen if we didn’t.

For those who do, I get it (well, except for the fanatical zealots who judge others for not believing what they believe, which, sadly, makes up a large portion of the religious sect). I understand the need for some to be unwavering in their belief of a future heaven as solace from an often difficult, confusing, and perhaps even unbearable past and present existence.

But agnosticism is a belief, as well. To be convinced of something is to believe. And I'm convinced that there are some things in life - and beyond - that I just don't know and never will, at least not while I'm alive.

That is my belief system. And it's working better than any church, temple, or synogogue I've tried so far.

My wife and I came into this world without a choice of what to believe, but instead a label. I was born Jewish (and for years, when people asked "what I was," I'd say either say "a human being," or, if pressed, "Jew-ish." Like sort of a Jew). Missy was born Christian. Both of us learned later in life that neither label truly defined us.

However, my daughter will have what I believe to be the privilege of being born label free. Free to choose what she wants to believe - or not believe - when she grows up. Free to partake in some celebrations or traditions and bypass others. Free to roam the buffet line of spirituality and pick and choose whatever fulfills her appetite (or, perhaps taste it and spit it out, as she often does in a non-metaphoric way now).

My biggest problem is when my cynicism regresses to pessimism. There is a fine, yet distinct, line between the two. Cynicism allows for questions to be answered. Pessimism gives up on that process and assumes a sense of defeatism.

Therefore, I'll hold on to my cynicism. I'll hold onto my bline faith that assumes no parameters, restrictions, or judgments toward others. And I'll hold onto hope that my belief/non-belief system ultimately steers me toward a path of fulfillment.

And if it turns out there is a higher power, I believe that he/she/it will understand.

2 comments:

  1. Great post! I'm a Christian and I am happy with my belief system, but I can appreciate what you are saying here. Your beliefs pretty much fall in line with my husband's. (P.S. This is Gina Heil, Lauren's friend)

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  2. Well said. I believe/not believe much as you do, and also am currently battling pessimism and defeatism.. hopefully, it's the dreary weather that is not allowing my usually overly optimistic views to shine.

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